sketches of my life

blessings

2006-09-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

relentlessly i glided through
the path,
oh so winding indeed
twists and turns, a straight line i cannot see
for obstacles laid ahead
challenges my spirit and utmost faith
i believe
He will help me, shower me with His love
guide me as a child learning to walk
as i look forward the most awaited day
every year without fail
the holiest one
my calmest self and nothing is difficult to achieve
with His Grace, we will bear the journey through...

To my Muslim friends, may we all have a blessed Ramadhan(fasting month).
Sidetrack, the one week break is here but....I will be stuck in sch Mon-Fri(9am-5pm) for DDP *cries* and from 5pm-6pm for Database Lab 3. On top of that, I have main committee meeting on Monday evening *wails louder* and yes, plus ADM art project presentation to be done *wails even louder* But the committee is organising a retreat for the ex-co members, really?? *cries have turned to sobbing* Well, it will be a busy one week break or no break I should say. Looks like I cant catch a breather till my exams are over ;(
Alrite, on the bright side, IA interviews will be out soon. Prays hard that I'll get the interview with Siemens or SIA. If all goes well, the Charlie's Angels (Simin, Angeline and me) will be heading to Japan after IA for holidays. Of course, we have to save some money for our Europe Grad Trip right? *winks* Haha, Angeline and me will iChat with Simin if she decides to go GIP China =P Okays, me and angeline have been mean to Simin lately, teasing her bout' bringing back some China bf. Nah. i dun think so, she'll prob find some hot Ang moh guy and bring him back to Sg. Oooohh *grins* Oh yeah, if u find some extras, don't forget to intro some of them to us too. haha. To the rest of my NTU peeps, have an enjoyable break. Remember to recharge ur battery to battle the 2nd half of the sem and the looming exams. Have fun! (while I get tortured in the labs *whines*)

mood: restless
groove: some Jazz radio station on iTunes
read: lab manuals
watch: *oogling at my Macbook* does that count? hehe ;)

22.

2006-09-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

On turning 22 last Tuesday, i've realised that life is moving at a speed beyond my control. Sometimes, it whizzes past me without me knowing. School's been hectic with the different commitments that I've thrown myself into. Possibly, I'm currently ovewhelmed with the lab assignments/projects and trying to achieve an optimum balance in my schedule. I have to put aside social communions for the sake of schoolwork. I've always been an avid reader. I read randomly, no particular subject or favourite author. Since I do not have much time to read proper novels, i suffice myself with reading articles off the net instead. And today, when I stepped into Kinokuniya, I felt rejuvenated just looking at the vast number of books laid in front of me. I got excited browsing through the books, reading the prologue of popular titles as well as random ones. My best friend had to call me twice cos she lost me. Lol. I contemplated on buying the books since I knew that I wouldn't stop reading till I finish the book and my sch work will be sacrificied =X
I definitely wished that I have more time to do things that I really enjoy. I've started sketching again and writing poetry/dithyramb as usual. I managed to get some art materials from The Art Friend store today. And again, I really feel so happy and excited! I guess I'm looking into other avenues to release my stress or to let my creative vibes flow. The art supplies at the store just amaze me. Hence, I promise to start buying my art stuffs from there onwards. With a new sketch book and correct pencils, I'm ready to draw again but I need to find time to learn designing. Perfection will come with practice I hope.
Getting older each year kinda spook me in some way eversince i hit 20. Expectations continue to rise and more responsibilities to shoulder, that's nothing new. Seriously speaking, I still think and behave like an 18 year old teenager sometimes. Haha. We do silly stuffs and experimenting with the wrong kinds. Basically, finding ways for cheap thrill. Getting adventurous and bold every year. I've already set a date to go for reverse bungee with my girlfrens at the end of the year :) Friends alike did warn about the possibility of the rope getting snapped like the other time. But, that won't deter us from going! My friend just brushed away the fact that even if the rope snap, we'll still be stuck to the cage and not get thrown to the moon but hopefully, land safely on the ground. Haha.
Anyways, before ending the post, i want to say my thanks to:

Khairun, Shikin, Shikah, Razinah for the birthday dinner on Sun and the gift as well :) Really missed those crazy girl outings!
My girlfrens in NTU (Charlie's Angels since there's 3 of us), Angeline and Simin for my iPod pouch in Pink as my present. Thanks babes! Plus, Simin and Linus for the birthday dinner at Fish & Co. (yes, again!) on Tuesday though we skipped the last part of class. Haha. Luckily, no more standing on the chair =P
And to my besties, Dayana, Zahira and Sha for such a wonderful time today! Nothing can break the 4 of us apart even after 9 years of friendship :) I really thank God for you girlies *MuackS*
Last but not least, my frens from near and far who sent me birthday greetings over sms. Thanks guys! ;)

With this, I end the first post as a 22 year old resident of charmed attic. Pictures will be posted on the next entry.

mood: sleepy(it's close to 3am)
groove: Bruised by Jack's Mannequin
read: none
watch: none

precious.

2006-09-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

First and Foremost, HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY WC! Though u can't hear and see us from Sydney, me and Simin are wishing you a blessed birthday with all the good things coming ur way! It was great seeing u from the video conference we had last night and we should do it when Daniel is around :) Too bad u can't receive the MMS greeting but no worries, i'll keep it and show it when u fly back home in December!
Phew, last week was one hell hectic weekend! With D&D on Friday and cousin's wedding over the weekend, i almost fainted from exhaustion. The lack of sleep and tons of last min gritty details for the events sent everyone on a grouchy/bitch-fit mode. I wasn't even spared either. I skipped my lectures(not all) but i kept to my tutorials and lab sessions. And this week, it's back to normal school routine just that the level of lab projects' fever has been raised up a few notches. So many deadlines to fulfill and catching up on those lectures i've missed out.
Overall, both events went smoothly and the weekend ended on a high note! (at least for my part for a few reasons =P) Nonetheless, before I flood this post with pictures from the events, let me introduce my new Jpop Idol~ Yuna Ito 湯女意図 . I came across her while watching MVs in youtube and i fell in love with the song Faith from dorama Unfair. She's a hawaii-born babe and she's darn pretty! I envy her cos she has such nice features. If you guys want to read up more bout this uprising singer, check out her website Yuna Ito. She made an appearance as Reira in the movie NANA, adapted from the manga NANA. She played the character of a lead singer in the band Trapnest as featured in the movie. I just finished watching the movie and it's pretty awesome :) Alrite, as promised here are the photos. Enjoy~!

A final toast to SCE! Well done D&D 06 Committee! We roxx~! *Big Hug*
Up next...Wedding Pictures!

Well, there's no complete extended family photo with the couple because some of them are busy entertaining the guests. I really like my cousin's hand bouquet of Rochers which she gave each of the cousins a stalk each at the end of the wedding. We did think of throwing the traditional bouquet to see who can catch it. But thinking that there's no one above 20yrs old other than me, we decided to scrape that idea. Haha.
And for the first time, the most anticipated question of the year is already directed to me. I'm the next one in line. I can't escape from the gossips and inquistive minds of my aunts. Each one asking if i'm already attached. OMG! Even my close friend who attended the wedding joking told me that she's expecting a wedding invitation to a 5* hotel banquet from me within the next few years. Don't you guys just hate weddings? Lol =P

Last but not least,

mood: calm
groove: There by Swirl 360
read: lecture notes -__-||| no more time to do my novels ;(
watch: Full House

seniors.

2006-08-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

I just freaking realised that my blog format isn't supported by Firefox. The counter didn't even appear when I viewed it on Firefox browser but it did when I viewed on IE. I think they should make blogs "Browser-Compatible". I have switched to Firefox long time ago and I really preferred it to IE. This is simply because IE is more vulnerable to whole lot of spams, worms (and what-nots) and it doesn't have the flexibility of tabbed browsing of Firefox. I know some of you don't like the idea of opening too many windows of IE just to surf a few websites at the same time. So, I suggest that you guys switch to Firefox now! haha. And the bonus point here is the fact that you can change the outlook of your browser cos they have cool themes for you to download and customise! Simply awesome :)

Anyways, here's some cool pixs of Maths questions that I got from an email from Shanshine. It cracked me up to think that some people really did Maths in a different way. And to think that I'm quite a Maths geek. lol ;) Anything with numbers quite amaze me and send me into spasms of excitement! Ok, that sounds a bit too erm..geeky..*scratch head* Yes, being in my course, I've seen more maths than before cos' the basics of Computer is still back to maths and algorthims. How freaking interesting is that! ok, i think i'm nuts~ Enjoy the pixs below!

Tomorrow is my big day at the Elections. I'm quite excited and sincerely hope that my friends and friends' friends will vote me for Financial Controller to run for the school club. I think I have alot of commitments this semester. I joined the German Society and Visual Arts Society for the fun of it. And to think that I'm taking 6 modules this sem with 5 lab based modules. I'm going to go bonkers if I dun manage my time properly. Check out my timetable:

I am therefore contactable for social activites on weekends. I wouldn't travel anywhere further than Jurong Point on weekdays unless there's a need to. So, I'm usually on campus, hiding somewhere in my hall amidst the forest at the back of my block. muahaha ;)

mood: crappy
groove: Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae
read: The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler
watch: American Pie The Band Camp (a hilarious one! Bandies aka band members should view)

picturesque.

2006-08-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

Alritey, some overdued pictures from farewell gathering for dear Fairoza bout 2 weeks' back. She has left for Hawaii for an exchange program on 10th Aug. She's doing good and having fun there! I want to go Hawaii too :) Today marks the last day at Sistic since I'm taking a long study break before I decide if I should still go back in December. We shall see what happens in 5 months down the road. My crazy bunch of frens in Sistic, i'll miss you peeps alrite! Of course, i'll never forget those bitchy sessions in the office, crappy customers, lunches at the squeezed out pantry and lotsa memories. Okays, let's not get too sappy bout this. Organise more gatherings to keep the friendship circle alive yeah? So, we can talk bout our lil' dirty secrets and fantasies like the other day ;) Hell fun yeah?
For now, I shall retreat to the realms of my "ulu-ness" study environment and bury myself in countless lab projects *dreads* and readings. Plenty of commitments, so many people to please, this is another hectic semester running for the club, joining 2 CCAs and getting involved in God-Knows-What. haha.

Fairoza: I know u're having trouble navigating ard but no worries bout the settling in, I'm sure u'll do fine :) take care babe~! and yes, talk bout shopping, i'm less one shopping partner now ;(

Shanshine: Yes, my dear neighbour, remember to reply when I greet you "Good Morning" thru the blocks on weekend mornings! Let's go for ice-cream prata soon! stay shanshiney always :)

Saf: Another of my dear fren in Sistic who's mad bout all Jpop, Kpop and Cpop! My partner in crime for watching too much soap dramas and we're both crazy bout One Tree Hill! I'll miss the plain bitching sessions with u in the office! *sobs*

Khai: You know we can always depend on each other for comfort anytime 24/7. Since school started, i kinda missed the summer hols when we would go to work together, take on shopping trips, late nite running sessions and just hanging out talking bout boys, work, life and more boys! haha. Talking bout my issue wif u-know-who, you too have to take it easy alrite? I'm always reachable at 94-----9 (you know the number ;P) meet for breakfast or lunch during the weekends wif Shanshine alrite? *Hugs*

school.

2006-08-13T09:24:00.000-07:00

OMG! it's into 2nd week of school! So, as u've guessed, my 1st week of school is spent in LTs listening to introductory lectures. I almost dozed off cos it was pretty dry content. Nonetheless, the rest of the time was spent walking ard in school, queueing for notes for 1.5hrs and remember that National Day took 2 days off the school week. I'm feeling ambivalent about this new term. Sometimes, i get really excited about attending classes and when the wind hits me, i'll be itching to get out of it. haha. Seriously, being a 3rd year only excites me to the extent that the tot of doing my Attachment next sem! So, my dad made some calls to check for any vacancies for internship. Remember about me wanting to go overseas for IA? Apparently, my uncle from Germany will be coming down to Spore in late Sept/early Oct so i'm going to discuss bout my application for IA with him. If all goes well, i'll be doing attachment in Siemens there! Oh yes, i have to learn how to speak German according to him.
Well, if it doesn't go thru, my another uncle is helping me check for IA possibility with SIA. Of course, it'll be under the IT department not the "Service" dept. a.k.a Air Stewardess. I dun want to fight for my IA place with the other students if possible. So, i'm praying for the best outcome :) Alright, it's past my bedtime ;p Early morn class for me and I haven prepare my tutorials yet. Oh no!!

mood: sleepy
groove: Like A Star by Corinne Bailey Rae
read: none
watch: none

dotmatrix.

2006-08-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

My love affair/lust for gadgets is pretty detrimental to the bank. I was just surfing through some of the latest lineup of networking products and well, I came across Asus WiFi Router with a built in 160GB, iTunes and Bittorent! How freaking awesome is tat? It's like a God send gadget which is next on my Gadget wish list :) Talk bout pink being in the spotlight~ Samsung has joined Sony Vaio in the league of producing PINK LAPTOPS meant to seduce the ladies in the consumer market. Check tis out ladies >> Samsung Q40: Pretty in Pink I wouldn't mind carrying tis around in swap of my Gucci handbag. hee ;) Specs wise are not as impressive as compared to the Sony Vaio counterpart. Maybe it's time to ditch my fuji and get a new lappy? *Wishful thinking: How i wish money grows on trees*
And to round up today's post:

iPod advertisement in Czech language means " iPod, the best "partner" for this year" Of course, you guys can translate that message in whatever ways u want to *laughs ^_^*

i got my Sony microvault. it's so mini and i'm happy! :) and talk bout interesting modules tis sem, i can't wait to get cracking on my Database lab project and Computer Networks labwork :)

farewell.

2006-08-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

Farewells are bittersweet yet succinct moments that tag on the heart. Besides the normal holidays and sending numerous friends overseas for studies, i've yet to experience the other side. And i hope that i'll be able to do it soon. Within a period of a month, i saw 2 frens off for overseas studies. Both are good friends of mine. Tis morn, dearest Fairoza just flew off to Hawaii for her 6 months exchange stint. I've known her through Sistic and she's one jovial and bouncy person that u want to bite her head off sometimes. haha.. just joking! she's really nice and easy to click with. One person that i'm gonna miss, all her loud chatter and jokes and our bitching/shopping sessions ;) I'm taking my study break till Dec 1st or till DDP ends. After that, i'm not too sure where life would bring me to. If fate were to let me go for my Overseas Attachment in Jan, i guess the break will change to resignation.
The way things have turned out just recently (only K knows bout it, thanks babe for the comforting talk ;) ), i felt tat it was a sign from above that it's high time that I take on the world on my feet. There's nothing tat will hold me back from going. And when she said "and take comfort in the knowledge that there are others who wants to be with you! " I nearly teared. Well, guess some ppl are just good at breaking up friendships. If ignorance is bliss, let it be. I asked myself if i should feel frustated about it and I guess, sooner or later, i'll just get over it. I'm getting good at "getting over things/issues" When that does happen, I'll be the one laughing and not the other party. I've got nothing to lose. Well, maybe someone just lost their memory bout the happy and sad times together. If this friendship/relationship in any sense doesn't mean anything, i can't do anything bout it. I'm not going to get tied down by it. Getting jaded by it. I'm independent and I don't depend on ur company to survive. So be it. Ok, i sound quite aggravated. not supposed too but it's still rubbing into the crack.
Farewell to a fren who's on her way to seek the world and farewell to another fren who doesn't seem to appreciate a friendship, preferring it to let it die. How contradictory is the subject of this post...

mood: jaded
groove: Come Clean by Hilary Duff
read: The Hungry Tide by Amitav Gosh
watch: none

utterance.

2006-07-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

A literal meaning by itself
For words that could speak for themselves
Have we not sometimes degrade
Unabashed by its state or manner
Alteration of hidden feelings tucked in a corner
Searching deep inside for what really matters
Train of thoughts embedded within intuition
Jaded illusion peppered with ignorance
Greyness with fading boundaries
Blinding the guarded territory
Love has brought upon us a malady
Disorganised pain in every sense
Yet we anticipate every inch of its moment
Just like sitting in a roller coaster...

one of the random entries when my creative vibes are flowing through me...
and at times when matters of the heart just get a lil' f***ed up, i guess poetry is the only way to express my feelings...

disappear.

2006-07-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

Woosh~ I know this blog hasn't received much attention lately from the resident of charmed attic. The last post being 3rd July, you guys would have probably guessed that I'm out hibernating somewhere on the streets. Well, technically right but wrong at the same time. The summer vacation is fast coming to an end and the new school term is looming ard the corner. It's about 1 week more to school and I've been busy and is still busy getting errands done. Besides the usual mundane work, tuition and driving, I have been trying to get my ass out on the social planet! And thank goodness, I've got party invites to a couple of events. So, my social circle has been rescued before it can go into a dire state once I hit school :)
I'll be back in my freshmen Hall which I dint even opt for. Thanks but no thanks. I tried appealing to the hall of my choice but to my disappointment, the hall officer on the other line told me that they have already reached the seniors' quota. That's just utterly bullshit and ridiculous. I'm seriously dreading to board the ever-so-crowded shuttle bus every morning just to get to classes. I did consider to take the 20 min walk up to the main school buildings but the idea of sweating like a pig by the time I reach my classes certainly gross me out =X So, now I have to brave myself for the monotonous 5 min bus ride to school which is packed like sardines. sighs. On a lighter note, I'm looking forward to this acad year because I'll be going for attachment in the second semester. If all goes well, I would be applying to do mine in States or Germany. How exciting can that get?!! Of course, I couldnt give the school bash amiss on the first nite of school, happening just for hall freshmen and seniors. And we're talking about clubbing session right in the heart of NTU campus! Bring it on, yeah!! ;)
Getting excited about school makes me sound as if I'm a freshmen heading into Uni life and getting ready to embrace the challenges ahead. But I guessed 3 months of summer break does get onto myself when I ran out of ideas to keep myself entertained. I've finished watching my OC Season 3 and One Tree Hill Season 3, dvds collection and other random movies. To top it off, i've begin to rent dvds out which is not good cos I need the money for something else and shouldn't be spending. My latest lust is my Kate Spade Nano Case for my ipod ! I came across it in a Magazine while I was having my haircut and yes, I want the pink case! Gosh, it's retailing at S$140 and I've already had it in my shopping list in my next pay. Of course, as every other girl's dream, I wish I have a sugar daddy or a rich bf to buy for me *evil laughter* Ok, I'm not that mean haha...
Anyways, I've got a whole lot of things in my to-do list waiting to be crossed out! So, it's time to get myself out of here. Btw, please comment on the design of the blog. I cant decide on a colour combination that's appropriate with the header. I took hours designing the header and the blog layout so I will still need time to do more touch-ups :) Thanks peeps!

mood: busy
groove: none
read: advanced theory of driving -__-
watch: Orange Days epi 9

fireworks.

2006-07-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

try this test here.

I'm seriously bored and couldnt get to sleep so did this test and form the results into an artwork with the help of Fireworks. I'm itching to get a new layout so watch out for it! Btw, if anyone is keen to try the reverse bungee at Clarke/Boat Quay (cant rem where exactly), pretty please sms me or leave me a tag. I've been trying to find someone to go with but noone is adventurous enough ;'( Alrite, my eyes are tired from staring into the screen since the past 2 hrs and I want to continue reading Blink which I just bought from Kino hours ago. Ciaoz~

mood: wide awake
groove: none
read: Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
watch: The Art Of Seduction (Korean--> a must watch!)

i am.

2006-07-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am not looking for runaway model looks
But that's an understatement -
The least is being presentable and clean cut

I am not looking for flashy bling blings
Just sufficient reserves to spend on occasional treats
Most of the time, we go back to cheap and nice

I am not looking for the intellectual brain of a genius
Witty remarks and engaging conversations keeps it going
Charm with words that are meaningful and sincere

I am not looking for dictated company around the clock
Give some space and be available at the right time
'Absence makes the heart grows fonder' will do the trick

I am not looking for neither a fatherly figure nor a dependent
It takes two to tango, two hands to clap
A good mix of trust and being understanding will see it going far

I am not looking for a fairytale love story
Just someone to walk through this life, hand in hand
Only time will know if there will be a 'happily ever after' -

mood: cheerful
groove: Sleeps with Butterflies by Tori Amos
read: none
watch: none

lost

2006-07-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

After a fierce fight for 1.5hrs, the match concluded with a penalty shootout since both teams failed to deliver a goal during the extra half-time. England certainly wasted on quite a good lot of oppurtunities to score. And yes, it sent the fans like me into agony. Defence was good for both sides, notably on the England side which dint perform up to the expectations during the earlier matches. However, the hope of England came crashing down when Mr Rooney got sent off in the second half due to pushing his own teammate. So, the referee without doubt flashed a red card and hence all the England fans saw red in their faces (including mine).
Beckham had to go off due to his injury and Lennon replaced him. Lennon was really good at delivering the ball single handedly for most of the time. But, he couldnt find someone to complete the goal hence many chances wasted. Crouch came in to replace Joe Cole and being the tall, running chopsticks, he dint make much difference. He would be of a good use to complete Beckham's crosses if Beckham was still in. With changes in the players without the good ol' Owen, Joe Cole, Rooney and Beckham, i could sense that it would be Portugal heading to the semis.
Nonetheless, i will still stay true to my support for England. The penalty shootout was an unfortunate situation not to the advantage of England which doesnt have a good record of scoring penalties. My heart just sank when Christiano Ronaldo scored the last goal for Portugal. Oh well, there's always a winner and a loser in every game. It was a tough game tonight but i'm glad that both sides put a good fight and i think that it's a well justified match unlike the last Brazil vs Ghana match(which i think was a biased match. Brazil's 2nd goal was an obvious off side oblivious to the eyes of the bloody linesman).
Alright, i guess that pretty summed up tonite's game England vs Portugal (Penalty: 3-1) we'll see Portugal in the semi-finals. I just hope France will win the next match which will start in 15 mins' time. For once, i just want Brazil to be out. It's such a cliche win if Brazil proceeds to the semis. Nonetheless, i predict the finals will be between Germany vs Italy or Germany vs France. But then, anything is possible. Back to the tv screen. Close Window X

p.s: The blog has been hibernating for quite some time cos the owner is kinda busy wif watching WC and feasting her eyes on the "oh-so-good-looking soccer players". Of course, she appreciates the game as an amateur with the help of dad and bro to explain the tactics of the game. Yet, being a girl, she cant stop looking with interested attention at the hot looks and bods ;P Besides WC, she's pretty much slacking ard, wasting her time away by enjoying the last few weeks before school officially starts :)

mood: blank
groove: nothing
read: online Readers' Digest
watch: clearing the DVDs collection

sheep.

2006-06-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

i wonder how i can sometimes lie myself into thinking that things will get better without any conscious effort on my part to turn the tables around. so let me guess, it's the working of the unconscious, self-denial smallest corner of my brain that will auto kick start if after an overall assessment, i realised that the situation is not to my advantage. that sounds conniving. true enough. working 3 days in a week leaves me behind with plenty of time to people watch, judge their actions and basically reflect and ponder on a whole lot of things in life.
during train rides, i find it pretty amusing observing lil' kids getting edgy in their seats, ready to run ard in the cabin or swing from one pole to another if the parent let loose of their hands. they seem to have abundant, ever-flowing energy in them that i really admire. they're so spontaneous and cheeky that i find them really adorable. of course, those who cant stop screaming and throwing tantrums don't appeal to me. biased i guess. and on tonight's train ride home, i was standing beside this couple whom i assumed are around early 20s or should i say, my age group. pretty good looking, compatible couple. but one thing that annoyed me for a moment was the fact that the girl cant help looking up at me a couple of times during the journey. i tot for once, they must be talking bout me, or my dress sense which could possibly not match theirs ( i was in jeans and sweater, not nicely dressed) cos i caught the guy looking at me twice, the second time before they alighted at Sengkang. i was too engrossed in listening to my nano that i couldnt bother to take notice of them anymore till they alighted. i wonder what's with them? or maybe the gf caught the bf checking me out. lolx. that's bitchy. heh.
now that cousins from US are back in Spore for their summer vacations, we've planned on a shopping spree next weekend. i'm not really into the shopping mood nowadays. but i'll still tag along to catch up wif my cuzzies. my 2 eldest cousins are getting married within a year. the first wedding will be this Sept. how exciting! time passes really fast. it just seemed like yesterday we were tiny toddlers learning to walk and run and fast foward 20 years later, one by one are getting married. sounds scary. gosh, sooner or later, the question will be pointed in my direction. i'm trying my best to avoid any form of conversation wif aunts, uncles and relatives who could fire those qns at me during family gatherings. God saves me! heh.
As the year pass and the number gets bigger, i'm still loving my singlehood. not that i never give relationships a tot. at some point of time, i envy my friends with their respective gfs and bfs. i think that's normal. but most of the time, i'm really happy that i'm still free to do anything i like without another half of mine imposing restrictions on my freedom. going out on dates with any tom, dick or harry. Having plenty of time to do things that i enjoy like snoozing, stoning, slacking and all other activities that starts with 's'. haha. I've had my fair share of crushes, infatuations that i've lost count. And heartbreaks too. So, i've been there and done that. Personally, i think i'm fine, although i've had frens who think tat there's something wrong inside me that needs to be fixed so that i can get a bf fast. lolx. I'm perfectly fine. I prefer to enjoy the scenery on the other side of the field. Doesn't the grass always look greener on the other side? Thanks but no thanks, while i enjoy the scenery on the other side, i like my side just as much. Maybe i'm not ready for commitment? Not that I'm afraid to give commitment, just that once i give it away, i'm afraid i'll lose all my senses just to salvage my pride and the relationship. pretty complicated huh.
well, till the siren in me starts to show a distress alarm, only then will i welcome wif open arms any matchmaking sessions. for now, let me enjoy myself wif the company of frens and family who have been there to keep me happy and uplifted :) i forgot to mention that the recent appearance of an ex-bf in my dream together with the current infatuation seems wildly disordered. i cant seem to find a connection between both. *scratch head* i guess, it's one of those moments where u sometime think of how they are doing. i pray that both are well.
tis entry is just one of those random ramblings of my own when insomia hits. so maybe i should try counting sheep next and get into dreamland...........

mood: blah
groove: silence. can you hear it?
current read: none.

nano

2006-06-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a month of holidays! and i'm loving life and living life literally! i had a blast over the weekend!! started off wif watching X-Men and dinner @ Breeks on Fri, overslept for alumni prac so end up shopping wif bro the whole Saturday and bought food for Sun's sentosa outing to celebrate Razinah's 21st Bday :)

Doing wat gals do when they're at the beach :) we pitched a tent, laid down the ground mat which turned out to be my bro's poncho. haha. yeah, we changed into our swimwear in the tent (so convenient), then we hit the sea. swam alot. and drinking lots of seawater too cos the waves just crashed on us, and it was very deep up to my shoulders. when shikah came, we cut the cake and ate more chips! lol. we took lots of photos. we played volley and my arms were red -__-||| . we checked out some cute guys too ;P (of course, we did!)

After Sentosa, quickly rushed home to get dressed to watch Death and The Ploughman by SITI Company (USA) at Drama Centre. It was an abstract play at first. it was going too fast,but i managed to get the hang of it. It was a beautiful play. Pretty enjoyed it. I remember these few phrases...

"If you spare yourself from love, you spare yourself from afflicition."

"Joy and sorrow are entiwned. The end of one is the beginning of the other..."

how aptly true are the phrases don't you think?? haha. i remembered these quotes cos it kinda make sense. I would have been able to appreciate the script better if it's were to be in a text form. nonetheless, it was still acceptable. both me and fairoza were busy checking out the guy at the sound console. he's so darn cute and charming and to think he looks so good in the dark. haha. we were so bimbotic!! catched supper after the play and by the end of the fabulous day, i'm dead beat~!

Of course, to top of it all, i nearly had a heart attack when Sihan sms-ed on Monday evening to inform tat results were already released instead of the stipulated Tuesday. something i wasnt looking fwd to. i was even contemplating to see my results after i come back from my trip but tat's ridiculous i tot. was so afraid tat it will affect my mood. After i got home from work, i forced myself to check my results. thank god! i passed all :) and not a single D grade on my slip. average grades but i'm so happy i passed!! yay! now i'm so looking fwd to enjoying my hols to the max for the next 2 months.

Now that GSS is here, i have been spending my money on gadgets and accessories instead of clothes. lol. cos i couldnt find any nice clothes to buy and tot i would do shopping for next sem's wadrobe nearer to the week before sch reopens :) so i've been guilty in charge of buying the following items (OopS!) :

my wishlist for the next 2 months:

-PDL (cant wait to start driving)
-KNVB nike jersey
-another pair of birkies from Xiaoling in Germany (includ. Simin's pair too ^__^)
-pair of puma sneakers
-addidas sweater
-a new thumbdrive cos i spoilt my old one
-external Harddisk drive (150Gb or 200Gb) to store my rubbish
-BKK trip wif frens (tentative)

So that's a long wishlist which will burst my bank acc sooner or later. Of course, my top priority is my driving lessons which will start in 2 weeks time. hopefully can get license by October. In any case, i would accept any amount of generous donations to my bank :) lolz. alrite, time to get cracking for the day. plenty of things to complete! I'm off to my 1 week road trip to a few places in M'sia this Friday morn. yippie! more tanning sessions ahead. haha. ciaoz~!

mood: bounc-ing high!
groove: -
read: Three Wishes by Liane Moriarty
watch: OC season 3 epi 21

2 juin.

2006-06-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

aujourd'hui, je finis de travailler a 10h du soir. je suis un peu fatiguee mais je veux regarder le film A La Folie. Je vais au cinema demain avec de amie. Pardon vous avez l'heure? Je m'ennuie de vous. Quand est-ce que je peux voir le visage d'ur? 3 semaines? bon ben. Il est beau. Il charme. Finir. Bonne nuit.

tient les etoiles avec moi,
ne sont-ils pas beaux ?

a single wish. just one.
moving against the currents
star drops.
across the sky
opposite the shadow
a reflection which disappears
in the blink of time
maybe the sight was failing,
capturing an image that wasn't there
it was just another passer-by
not the familiar face i was searching for...

the kind of pain that leaves me craving for more. thousand tears, i would trade just for that smile.

mood: tired
groove: 1 litre no namida OST
read: 'Che' Guevara Back On The Road by Richard Gott
watch: A La Folie Pas Du Tout (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not) - french movie

alive.

2006-05-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

Knock*knock* I'm back from hibernation. Just a tad too long. Exams have been over the past 2 weeks and I guess it's time that I post something here since everyone's been asking or wondering which planet I had disappeared to. Dun worry, I'm still safe here in planet Earth though I did thought of venturing to planet Mars to study the philosophical side of a guy's perspectives on any subject and his behavioural patterns. I managed to skim through a few books about philosophical studies on differences in gender thinking over the weekend. In particular to men of course. I'm just curious about lot of things. Sometimes we, women, think we understand them but at some point of time, I'm just as clueless to what rubbish that idiot has just said (OopS.) So in an effort to understand them(since there's no such thing as " I can live without men as long as I have diamonds, Prada and loads of $$$" in my perspective and guys, you have to thank those women who take an effort to understand your nonsense. ahem.) , a close buddy and I trotted down to major bookstores and libraries in search for books we can use as a "reference guide". so we managed to found some interesting ones and while we giggle over the details, we tried to reason out why some guys behave in a certain way based on our own experiences.

Sidetrack.....there've been some change of plans for the holidays and it has made even better progress in terms of how my life events have took a turn. Of course, for that split second, i will have to blink twice to ensure that i'm not merely dreaming. duhz. or maybe someone should just slap me to double check. I'm not in a sharing mood so the details will have to be left out. So far, holidays have been good. Managed for a few meet ups wif good frens, working, special sem, dvd marathons (still got loads of movies to watch), running(getting a lil' chubby you see), sleeping and cable tv-ing almost any other time. Of course, I managed to tweak wif Fireworks to test the design applications for photo editing, posters/banner designing, etc, and Dreamweaver shall be next on the line. Been wanting to do a blog revamp cos i think the default font size is way too small (though it can be changed) and i'm getting sick of the green background. Probably, i'll design my own backdrop and tweak wif a bit of HTML and Javascript and it'll be good. But it wont be that soon.

a picture of me and Hikaru poster.

after being in this course for 2 years, I'm still wonder if I'm up to the challenges ahead. Not that I dun have any interest in computers ( many have said that it's so unlikely of me ) but the patience to gruel through is wearing out fast. On some days, I can be ranting out jargons that only computer geeks can understand and it made me feel good, when I see those ??? expressions on people who are not on common terms with IT in general (eg. my sis). ok that sounds sadistic on my part. Although the thought of earning US$8000 as a software engineer sounds damn freaking good, I have to think twice about the amount of stress I have to go through les growing more white hair ^_- Unless, they made me draw UML diagrams all day, I wouldnt mind. haha. my fellow coursemates will understand. I've been influenced by too much Discovery travel and living and I thought " Hey, why cant I be a traveller? That's sounds way too cool and I'll be living life literally, seeing other people's countries, absorbing into the whole cliche " yeah, I've been to Paris and even Timbuktu! " (other people staring wide-eyed and awed by your traveller's stories) " That sounds like good life to me. But what are the chances?? 1% to none.

Imagine the expression of my parents' faces if one day I just tell them " Mom, dad..I dun want to go school anymore cos it makes me sick in the brain. I want to get on the jet and fly away and be a traveller like Ian Wright. And when I've got enough of that, I'll fly back and get back on track wif my mundane life. maybe. " That will be a dream come true. lolz :) I'm sure most of us have these fantasies or should I say imaginery getaways where we'll just pack our bags and leave everything behind. We are only young once so we've gotta live life. So till my graduation day comes, i'll shall just suffice with planning my backpacking grad trip (2 years down the road) to Europe!

till the next urge to blog comes, au revoir!! :0)

maybe i should consider naval piercing too. it sounds like an exciting experience!

my dreams in rouge
searchin' for the familar face
amidst the crowd
hanging here in a moment
desperate for changes
starving for truth
closer than where it started
a lil' clarity
lightness.
brevity. cliche. anchored.
expectations raised
right lane, left lane
self-denial
i still..................

mood: creative
groove: -
current read: further under the duvet by Marian Keyes

sleepless.

2006-04-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

Due to the lack of time and a lot more of ignorance on my part, this blog seems to be barely surviving. haha. Eversince the last post, there's been a lot of happenings in school. Attended some German movie screening and the NTU motorfest which roxx cos of all the uber, awesome cars. i fell in love wif one of the red mini coopers which is so girlish for a car!! i want that car! my cam batt died so dint manage to snap alot so i have to wait for the pictures from him. After all my lab assessments last week, i can finally get into the momentum at full swing for exam revision. And my first paper is on Wed which is my PE. I've got my core paper the next day and i've been studying so much that i haven get started to studying the elective. OoPs.. I'm so in need of a good nite sleep. but i cant. i'll beat myself up if i cuddle up and sleep for more than 6 hours. the pang of guilt will haunt me. argh. this is wat u call exam madness. sem after sem. we struggled just to make it or break it.
Camping in school has been an everyday routine. sadly. by the time, i reach hall at 2am on some nights, i'll be super zOnked oUt~ of course, i couldnt resist the super fast internet connection in Lib2 so i can watch my jpop MTVs or the variety shows when the facts start to swarm in my head. I'm counting down the days to my last paper on 4th May. and after that, pray hard for good results or at least clear this sem's modules. hah. life during hols will be a packed one for me. since i'm taking French elective during the inter sem, i'll have to plan my time ard sch, work, dnd, alumni and other social and mindless activities. of course, i've got a lot of movies and dramas to watch after exams. so those who want to join me in my movie marathon, u're welcome to join :) but popcorn and drinks( pls self provide..haha..) so holidays faster come and i sure do hope that our Thailand trip will be confirmed by June!! yeah ;)
in the meanwhile, the blog shall cease in operation till my exams are over... unless, an unexpected event happens in my life...which i think probably not...time to get my butt out of here or i'll be late for my consultation wif my crappy Prof.

crumpler.. birks.. levis.. looks.. height.. define.. us ^__^

mood: awake and anxious
groove: "the sound of the rain"

stinks.

2006-03-21T08:42:00.000-08:00

Lab work STINKS!! i've just had one of the worst or most boring weekend. i was at my alumni meeting and practice on sat. came back to sch on sunday morning for my lab project meeting. we had to rush thru to complete all the design and documentation. we literally camp in school on a Sunday. how freaking depressing is that?? from 1130am to 8pm, we slog thru the source code for our subsystem. thanks to our lead developer who loves throwing the job assignments into our face last minute. screwed up~ 8 hrs of work and we dint finish. we continued till yesterday after class and by the time we left sch at 11pm, all my group mates have gone bonkers. lol.
the whole weekend i had 7 hrs of combined sleep. i just came back from packing the goodies bags (1000 of them) with the rest of the committee members for our school day tmr. i took my super late dinner at 1240am. i managed to grab 4 sticks of fruitella candies and lots more of crackers and biscuits =P i'm the walking panda in school. oh well. dead tired. worried sick bout exam revision due to the amount of lab work i have in front of me. sighs.
i've got 10 dvds worth of Korean movie waiting for me to watch after exams. someone just loves spoiling me ;) cant afford the time to watch now. i finally got my LP dvd Live In Texas and live concert cd :) thanks to my cousin's bf who bought it in States. holidays faster come. i'm dying big time tis sem. draining all my energy away!!

The Distance by Evan and Jaron
The sky has lost it’s color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that’s how it feels to me
Whenever you’re away
I crawl up in the corner
To watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you’re cominback

I can’t take the distance
I can’t the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callinyour name
But I can’t take the distance
I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you’re close to me
But it ain’t close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can’t take the distance
I can’t the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callinyour name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I’d do anything
I can’t take the distanceI will go the distance
I will go the miles
That’s how much you mean to me’
cause I can’t take the distance
I can’t take these miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callinyour name
I can’t take the distance
It’s hard to remember
As long as you’re away
When I find solace
There’s only one way

an electrifying brush...that closeness i cant imagine to part with...

cringe.

2006-03-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

i simply cant believe it tat the sch system is getting more screwed up nowadays!!! first was the sch fees hike, then the hostel fees hike and now they simply had to cancel on DDP offering in Dec 2006..tell me how am i supposed to do my IA in Jan 07 like tat?? all the vulgarities are spewing out.. but i must remain collected. hiaz.. i've already calculated my total AUs for 2006 exclusive of DDP and it will be 93 credits.. how??? how??? i couldnt possibly start on my FYP in Jan 2007 rite?? this is crap crap crap... argh!!! hopefully my meeting wif my counsellor will help me out!!!

with regards to the fees hike, i'm more on the neutral side. it was ridiculous at first cos thinking for the fact that no improvements are made or any reasons to justify the hike. like Hello?? we are running an education instituition not a money-making business. well, prob it was a big mistake to privatise the UNIs here. right, so now we have to channel more of our salary in the future to our parents' CPF after graduation. utter crap. i was waiting for the freaking shuttle bus for 20mins and it was travelling at 10km/h I presume. i could run faster than the bloody bus. sheesh. trust me, i'm not the only undergrad making noise here. jus look at the Expression board and u'll see how the SU got fired from the student body. if price hike == better services or more courses offered, i wouldnt give a damn. c'mon, looking at the diversity of courses offered here, i think Spore UNIs can do better rite?? like wat a fren said, they only run courses that can generate income for the economy (-___-) so no use comparing who's better than the other, cos we are all no better off.

gosh.. everything was going alrite for this sem so far and they just had to blew it off wif the DDP announcement. oh well, i was really on the verge of breaking down sooner or later looking at how my life events turn out.. bish bish.. i need to work really hard for my modules.. ok this is getting more depressing.. bang head.. after this sem, there's inter sem session which i think the modules offering this time really sucked..i cant wait for holiday trip wif family n frens!!! woohoo.. for now, i'll just cringe at the amt of work i have to digest..on the lighter note, i jus love the adrenalin rush of late nite running.. tat's what i love bout my campus becos' of the vastness of greenery ;) time to hit the bed, early classes tmr.. YaWnzzZzZ....

mood: sleepy
groove: class 95fm

angel.

2006-03-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

At first, it was just a teasing game, little does she know that another dismissal is yet to come just that it dint quite happen. Why cant a guy n a gal be good frens w/o comprimising the friendship. I used to believe in platonic relationship bet the opposite sex but lately that belief seems to falter. Well, i cant control the circumstances to turn as what i want them to be. AND i hate disappointing people. I wish my life is sorta fairytale.
I am not facing any pressure to be in a relationship currently. Yet, somehow rather, i guess my life would be better off now if i were to be in one. Cos the rumours and what shit nots are getting on my nerves. At least, people would say " Ah, she's attached now. So, don't bother chasing after her. " I'm sick and tired of those bitchy whispers bout my associations wif my guy frens. Is it wrong to be frens in the first place. And i understand that they did fall for me in the first instance but i shrugged the whole thing off. Not an awkward situation anymore to me but it's harder to get the friendship back in place when people jus keep on rubbing the issue. So, whose fault is it now when i'm hardly on talking terms wif them and i'm starting to hate the idea of getting re-associated (if there's such a word).
I can be friends wif any Tom, Dick or Harry if i want to. And besides, it takes both hands to clap. I wish things dun get anymore ugly. If i were to get romantically involved wif any guy frens of mine, that will only spell TROUBLE on my part. I dun consider being nice to my frens as a romantic gesture to any guy fren. So, dun read too much into my actions. They always say that gals are complex creatures to understand. You know what? Guys aint any better either!!
I sound pissed. Dun worry, i just need a space to rant out. I'm going to stick wif my own opinions so if u cant agree, too bad. Dun make life any harder when there's already too much stuffs going ard in school lately. sighs. exams faster come so i can hibernate for 3 months and hopefully after i come back from my trip, i'll forget bout these like they nvr happen before. trust me, i nvr anticipate for exams to come up to this point in time. However, i cant help but to feel *loss for words* bout someone.

i crept closer just to realise that it was just drifting even further away ...

mood: cranky
groove: Dare by Gorillaz

from top: snapshots of laptop and it's owner who's looking sian in the pic, the corridor at the lab level, my lab experiment which i toggled with today.

dead.

2006-02-11T11:04:00.000-08:00

i feel choked
suffocated.
time passes in a blur
so many commitments
draining my energy way too fast
i'm slipping further
losing my senses
when was the last time i actually had a "social life" ?
head's bursting with inconspicious facts
random running jus to forget the worries
i miss doing things i like
stuck in a vicious cycle
day in, day out
tired of school food, craving for home food.
hall life is really depressing when the only connection to the rest of the world is ur MSN.
at the end of the day,
i still manage to smile
partly to an external factor too :)

黑色毛衣
Jay Chou
A black sweater
The memories of two people
After the rain has passed
It is even harder to forget
Forget that I still love you
You don’t have to mind

The tears only just happened to be falling
I was already waiting at the bottom of the valley long ago
I know I cannot keep you from leaving anymore
And I know I must have a backbone
I am thankful to you

For letting me possess the beauty of autumn
Watching that white dragonflyIn the air it forgets to go forward
Can I stillReweaveThe memories that are pilling in my mind
Say I love you againPerhaps the rain won’t stop
The black sweater
Where is it hidden?
Then just let the memories stop there forever

mood: dead tired
groove: Qing Tian by Jay Chou

cheongsam.

2006-01-30T18:55:00.000-08:00

Here's Wishing my Chinese frens, A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS LUNAR NEW YEAR!! I'm sure u guys had lots of fun eating all the goodies and collecting ur ang paos!! haha. yeah, dun forget ur fren here who's craving for love letters and pineapple tarts ;) Besides basking in the festive mood, i've been rather busy myself so tat's why my absence here has been greatly missed by most of my readers *self-appraisal* muahaha =p
As u all know, the heavy workload doesn't leave much time for blogging n it's too much of a monotonous lifestyle if i blog bout my sch rite? Updates from my life: got my laptop back which has a new OS installed so it feels brand new inside, got my hair cut (finally!) after much procrastination. it's just short now cos i cant tahan long hair. i definitely enjoy sch tis sem because of the interesting modules i have ( but they are very technical and too abstract to understand ;( oh well.) of course, all the changes in my circle of friends have brought about some good and bad. for the good part, let's jus say, it's enough to keep me smiling everyday. the bad part i hope wont get any worser. term break is in 3 weeks time~ not particularly looking for it but i certainly welcome the much needed break from the vicious cycle. hall life is pretty much boring cos the hall is not as happening as my last hall. it's much ulu-fied but nonetheless, i've kicked into the old habits of staying in hall eg. staying up late n hence missed my 830am lectures, running ard campus at nite, talking over the phone till wee hours in the morning, cup noodles for dinner, junk food 24/7 etc. my roomie is as good as invisible cos we hardly talked and i have to tolerate her untidyness. argh! i've played my part to sweep and ensure cleanliness on my side but she doesnt own a bloody broom in the room so tt means she doesnt sweep the floor at all =X
Anyways, V-day is coming but it's of not much significance for me since it's jus like any other day of the year. However, i'll buy little trinkets to give to my buddies in school cos it's been years since i've done tat. I still rem how back then in JC, we would all exchange little gifts in sch. It was a much enjoyable day because by the end of the afternoon, we would have a plastic bag full of chocs, sweets and little memorabilia. I still keep those in a box. How i missed those days!! So, i've decided to kickstart the tradition again in Uni considering i have bout 2 years more before sch life ends for me. So those who have interesting ideas for the gifts, drop me a mail or leave a tag at the tagboard :) Before i end this post, let me show u some very beautiful cheongsams i googled over the net. Pardon me if the models are not as 'chio' as the dresses. I might just want to get a cheongsam for myself. haha ;)

I'm sure any lady who wears a cheongsam, clad wif a pair of black stilletos and a black clutch will look stunningly gorgeous and elegant! ;)

mood: bouncy
groove: First Love by Utada Hikaru

updates.

2006-01-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Oh GOsH! First week of school is over! Tat's so fast!! Anyways, it's been quite a tiring first week, dun ask me why. Lectures were fine and subject contents are definitely interesting~ lol ;) but looking at the lab based modules, it's gonna be a challenging task. We are going to develop a software for one of the modules, do microprocessor (CPU in other words) programming, software programming and building more circuitry. how fun! It's been raining dinosaurs lately and it just gets on me cos i just want to snuggle up and sleep. Thanks to the freezing lecture halls, seems like I will have to drag along 2 windbreakers. brr. My laptop has been finally sent for repair n i wont be seeing it till 2 weeks later. So living in hall w/o a tv n laptop == more boredom. crapz~nonetheless I WILL SURVIVE! Muahaha. Alrite, wont be updating for a while since I'll be buried among my texts n notes since this semester's schedule is very packed back to back. Time to get my ass out of here or I'll be late for band chalet! woohoo~ :) Below are some of the pics from concert and new yr countdown.

Thanks to simin for the photos ;)

p.s : to my NUS peeps, have fun on the first day of sch tmr =p

mood: feeling good
groove: the raindrops against my windows

new year

2005-12-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

2006.

Alright, it's that time of the year again to throw out your junk, forget the worries of yesterdays, write up your resolutions just for the sake of a coming new year. For starters, last Thursday concert was pretty much expected. We played fine but definitely not our best performance. Audience liked Orient Express and the combined piece of band and choir was pretty interesting. Thank God, the stage dint crash. haha. I dint bring camera so the pictures will have to wait till I get them from the rest. Nonetheless, it was another step closer to knowing the main band ppl and for the alumni peeps, to rejoice the good ol' days. Thanks to all for the christmas pressie and concert little gifts. Lookin' fwd to the next concert at Esplanade :)

2005 hasnt been any good for starters. the 2nd sem of 1st yr in uni, i screwed it up big time. i had my first taste of running a school committee which was a refreshing perspective of how ppl at this age run the school events. i ploughed thru a few heartaches which left me in vege state. flunking my modules as a result of a series of downpours one after another. i lost 2 loved ones. holidays was spent running bout in alumni. staged the first inaugural alumni concert which left me in high spirits weeks after that. then, there was crazy FOC. and a new sch term which i hated big time. amidst sch, there were more distractions which i managed to steer my way out and kept my focus back. a few disagreements here and there to keep me sane, fighting for what i chose to believe even if it means that i'll be left standing alone. issues pertaining to thin, gray line between friendship n relationship. unspoken boundaries which left me confused and angry for a while. struggling between living my life and not breaking rules. lost in between finding my true identity and trying to fit into the mould of society. new friendships forged and lost some. unforgettable 21st, three parties for different grp of frens. running into trouble trying to uphold wat i want to achieve in life. understatement of the way certain things are supposed to be perceived. towards the end of the year, life gets more quieter n hence i became less socially active cos i jus need some personal time on my own.

Looking back, 2005 has left me being more stronger in many aspects. the new year will be more tough to deal in terms of school commitments. but i'll have to plough through it head-on. someday i'll know that at least that things are meant to be that way and i'm still alive and kicking. someday i'll be dancing on the moon. someday i'll find what i've always been searching. so take out your party poppers cos 2006 will be here and let's hope for the best to come! enjoy the countdown peeps!

mood: pixie-lated
groove: the rain drops on my window ;)

24hrs.

2005-12-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

i'm relieved tat the subject registration is over and it went pretty smooth sailing cos i managed to get all my classes : 6 modules next sem. can bang head against the wall already. less than a week to sch. tat means moving back to my boon lay chalet aka hall15. no tv in room cos i wont have much time to watch, looking at my freaking packed timetable. so it's jus me and laptop and more textbooks. geeky Ad~

less than 18 hrs to Concert. jitters. my lips and teeth hurt again during practice today. thanks to all the HIGH notes and my fingers are gonna go twisted sooner or later. i managed to hit all the running notes (almost) and let's hope tat I wont pee in my pants when I play on stage ( ok, that's exaggerating ). good luck to us!! I really hope the alumni continues cos I will sure miss playing music for a long time. And I love my band too much!! Thanks to all the great frens I've made here ;) alrite, enough of ranting for today cos i need to be up early to send my dear laptop for repair in town and get some pressies for the juniors with the rest of the gang. Anyways, if anyone who's free for Countdown, pls inform me :)

mood: sleepy, tired
groove: StickWitU by PCD

one less.

2005-12-20T00:39:00.000-08:00

less one worry.
my hard work paid off.
geeky days to come. so bring on the new sem. after much planning and deliberation, things will work out.
jus gotta have faith in Him. and faith in myself.
the next 2 weeks will be pure madness. not much time left for socialising i suppose.
but i can still afford for a few more meet-ups b4 the hols are over.
watched A Walk To Remember as part of a movie marathon in my room. i cried buckets.
truly romantic movie which defines sacrifices ppl are willing to make in the name of love.
the year is coming to an end. wat am i looking forward to in the new year? i dunno.
my only one resolution for the year: good grades and higher GPA. ok, tat sounds geeky.
off to watch my OC episode 9. muahaha.

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing, and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

mood: content
groove: Only Hope by Mandy Moore

worries.

2005-12-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

Whenever the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I have enough worries in my head for the moment. I get transported to another world whenever I bury myself into a good book. It makes me feel all calm and forget my worries for the day. Thanks to a good girlfren buddy who comforted me over the phone *smug smile* and putting back my confidence back in place. trying to create the perfect life is not tat easy as what i tot...

mood: on the low
groove: hung up by Madonna
current read: Sophie's World

tooth.case.

2005-11-30T07:58:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I was tricked into believing that I would be able to endure the pain of dental surgery.
I was dead wrong. The pain was unbearable that I couldnt lie still on the bed. Nvm the fact that I had to change the wound dressing after 30 mins instead of an hour coz it was too soaked wif blood. I felt like a vampire for once. heh. I had to drink porridge through a straw yesterday and I hadnt much food since the surgery. I could just watch with envy while people around me are munching on their food ;(
I have 3 other wisdom tooth waiting to be extracted over the next few years. It's bad enough tat I have to endure this pain and I could literally feel the stitches in my gums. boohoo. I cant eat solid food for the next one week. Even chewing small pieces became a chore when i attempt to eat fries at KFC today. I gave up eating and resort to lotsa water. I can be a camel within this week.
I take for granted the ability to eat my food normally and to be able to chatter non-stop. I've been mumbling and it hurts even just to giggle or smile. I've minimised my talking to 10%. tat means no unnecessary bitching. It's the second day and it still hurts though not as much. so much for the painkiller. bah. I managed to shop ard in town to get bday presents and to mentally jot down my shopping list so I can come back another day to buy. I had fun with simin trying clothes at MNG and deciding wat other stash we could prolly buy. I still wonder how am i suppose to play for my netball match on fri? bad idea. Finally got a job for the hols. heh. One with Sistic and the other wif a Production Co. which me and simin spent an entire 1 hr plus searching for their office in Chinatown, getting confused with 4 different 7-11 stores. All i'm looking fwd to now is Sentosa on Sat and hopefully, some good ol' clubbing session on Sat nite if everything goes as planned. Time for some rest!

mood: devoid of good food ;( but thankful of the great day I had ;)
groove: If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating

life after exams

2005-11-24T04:10:00.000-08:00

~LIFE AFTER EXAMS~
Now that exams are finally over *shrieks*, i cant seem to find anything to do. Well, not really. To date, i've finished watching OC season 2, countless movies and Jap dramas, I even tried watching my LOTR trilogy again. yeah, I'm trying to get my hands on OC season 3, One Tree Hill season 3 and i jus realised i've missed my Gilmore Girls episode re-runs on Channel 5. wth. Aside that, i tried to kill time by becoming a fitness freak, started the jogging-running-gyming routine jus to get in shape for Sentosa next weekend. It doesnt help when i have Ferrero Rocher chocolates (munching on them eversince Tuesday) so i guess i dont burn much fats afterall. Oh yeah, i borrowed books on Fireworks MX and Flash MX . I tot of making good use of my hols to learn these useful skills since I want to try my luck at graphic designing. If not, i'm a useless comp engin undergrad. haha. Anyways, good news: I got a hall to stay in next sem!! ;) That means it's time to shop again for my new room. Yea, been shopping eversince exams are over *shakes head* Well, i'm still high on all the chocs and good news lately so i shall leave u with some random pictures below. Good Nite!

seth and summer - wat a lovely and cute couple ;)

cast of one tree hill - picture perfect

i'm eating the mini rocher chocs from Frankfurt, all thanks to my fren's sis! :) *yummy*
i'm feeling all happy jus like this cute little girl ^_^

mood: bouncy
groove: Since U've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

nite out

2005-11-21T01:12:00.000-08:00

Exams are not over yet. I still have 1 paper to go. But we still went for our Sat nite rendevous yesterday. Had great fun with the guys. We started off wif supper at Geylang after walking around for quite sometime to find the place. It was pretty interesting trip. An eye opener. I was laughing my head off when one of the *Prostitutes* (short term = Pros ) tries to sell herself. She kinda rattled in a coy and sweet way to Julian in mandarin. I was on the phone wif Shikin, trying to stop myself from laughing. The pros there were quite low grade. haha. oOps. Nonetheless, I was quite full wif supper. We managed to board the last train to Lavender " a god forsaken place " accord. to Paul for our pool game. We were supposed to wait for Paul and Junqin but they nvr turned up till hours later. So, the four of us had a game of pool. Learnt more stuffs yesterday. I'm still a newbie at it. But my guy frens were patient wif me :) We played till 2+am and headed for another round of supper or so to wait for Junqin's and Paul's most awaited arrival. We had interesting conversations tat spanned from literature texts to soccer to etc...We presented to Junqin his cheescake since it's his birthday today. Julian suggested singing Birthday song in our hearts. haha. that was lame so we sang a birthday song for him softly. lol. We had wanted to go to West Coast to chill but in the end, we decided not too. So Paul, Junqin and Julian went home. And me, Loowee and Linus headed back to Linus's hall to watch movies. I almost wanted to fall asleep coz I had been out the whole day since Sat's afternoon. We headed back home after breakfast today. And as predicted, I was sleeping the whole day. Wasted time. Back to studying tmr.

Guess, i'm in a much happier mood now. Coz of some stuffs that happened recently, i'm in a quite rotten mood. A big thanks to the guys for a enjoyable rendevous last nite. We should do it more often once exams are officially over. Btw, Happy Birthday Junqin! More blessed years ahead! ;) You'll get a bigger birthday cake during Sentosa outing with the 2 other guys :)

some of the photos courtesy of Julian. just realised that he was nvr included in any of the photos coz he was busy snapping them. haha.

the blue stripe is my aim!

linus with intense concentration.

loowee learning the skills from the pro.

a pose while waiting for my turn ;)

the birthday guy, Junqin, trying to open the wrapper of his cheesecake.

mood: calm

groove: Fix You by Coldplay ;) *one of my fav bands*

2005-11-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

You Are Friends With Potential

There's a little spark going on here, no question about it
Will this develop into a hot romance? Look to your guy friend for clues.
Does he flirt with all his female friends? Or are you an exception?
If he's giving you special treatment, you've won a part of his heart already.

Is He More Than a Friend? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded. You tend to be more traditional than trendy.Your confidence gets you through anything.People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

Gerberas will still be my favourite flowers ;)

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

haha..i knew it..i can never be too girlie!

You Are the Girl Next Door!

You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry.Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love.But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it!You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

guess my guy fren is rite..haha..i'm so Girl Next Door :)

You've Been Bit By the Shopping Bug!

You're constantly adding to your wardrobe - and it shows
However, you can show some restraint. You love good deals.
Your love of the clearance rack has paid off...
You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all!

Are You a Shopaholic? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

i must have toned down a bit on the shopping craze lately.lol.

nearly the end

2005-11-16T01:47:00.000-08:00

I dint know why at first, I was feeling calm yet uneasy today. I was anxious for my paper this afternoon but I was sailing smooth (almost) throughout the paper. It felt like I was gliding in air the whole day in school. Aside that, the weather had a comforting aura bout it. Never did I realise that it was mourning for my grand uncle who passed away this evening at around 8.10pm. I had kinda expected it because he had been suffering from liver cancer and diabetes for quite a while. He had been battling with his life for the past few months. I dint even get to see him. The day my grandma died when I was 9, i couldnt force myself to believe the cold hard fact. She was someone I hold close to. We even shared the same birthday. I was too devastated that I dint even dare to see her for the last time. I cried hard that I was too numb to feel anything. Sometimes, when I missed her too much, I will dream of her in my sleep, seeing her smile just comforts me.
It's been a while since I had a good cry. The last time was probably months ago. And today, tears just flowed uncontrollably on my cheeks. Guess, the recent events in life hit hard on me. It wasnt particularly bout anything but perhaps how my life turned out to be up to now. For my closest frens, they knew that I'm relieved that this sem is ending soon. I really hated this sem and I had to keep on fighting till the end. Only the results will tell me if I've won this battle. I fought hard this sem, putting on a strong front. Only God knows how much I suffered inside to keep my struggle. I dint want to blame anyone or anything. Sometimes, I wonder if the path I've chosen will lead me to my dreams. I've had my fair share of disagreements with ppl ard me just to keep my dreams alive. It's amazing how words speak for themselves in a manner that it can cause so much hurt or joy. Sometimes, I never thought what I said will cause hurt to the other party. It might be a joke for me but not to someone else. Only to regret it later. The worst cold war I had with my parents would be the day I had to break the news to them that I had to repeat J1 again. It was super bad that I jus shut myself out for close to 3 weeks. Pretty bad. And it doesnt help when they keep on raking up the past.But I redeemed their pride when my A' Levels results got me into uni. I had my fair share of pitfalls and rises.
It's a wonder that we never appreciate their presence till they are gone. We take things for granted. Of course, there are instances when we get selfish over certain matters. Saying "Love you, mum or dad" or giving a hug to ur loved ones or even frens just to show that you appreciate their presence dont seem to be a norm. Friends lean on me in times of hard. Well, maybe I appear emotionally stronger (according to them) and I bounce back very fast after setbacks. But that doesnt mean that my past doesnt haunt me. I had to be strong for the sake of myself before I can lean on anyone. If I were to write my life story, I would want to rewrite the bad moments in life. But life aint as smooth sailing and failures keep us growing stronger. When life fails to reach ur expectations, we just have to keep on moving. I'm still feeling quite mellow now. Just a mixed feeling of emotions.........................................

------------------------------------------------***
an infatuation that never goes away
like a missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle
creeps into her lonely heart

he doesnt know that her heart sings in joy
as he walks beside her
"if he only knew" she thought

fear of commitment got the better of her
her fragile heart, not willing to give it away
just to see it broken again

spelling the words aint that easy
if you arent sure of what you are in for

she lets another day pass by
wishful thinking that the signs are true
staring at that particular starthat got her heart anchored to him...-
--------------------------------------------------***

mood: mellow
groove: Cannonball by Damian Rice

exams are near

2005-10-31T01:19:00.000-08:00

Utada Hikaru ;)
I'm getting into the Jap craze again. Used to be Jap crazY back in sec/jc days. haha. I listen to her songs almost every day whenever i study and other jap artistes too! whoosh. I even wonder if there's such club in S'pore which spins Jap songs. It'll be super hip n cool! Anyways, been hibernating in school lately since exams are in 1 week plus. bah. so sorry for the super laggy update in this blog though i update my private blog almost every 2 days. There were a lot of things that happened lately, making my life more interesting *snorts*. With the exam preps, i'm looking more and more like a lost panda in NTU. Guess, i'll have to go for treatment for my dark circles after exams. The hols dont seem that appealing to me since I have a lot of things to accomplish! and i really mean ALOT!! So those who wants to meet up, pls "book" me in advance. And i'm definitely craving for the party days ahead. haha. and more gaming and pool *hints to my NTU guy frens* after exams! Well, guess that's for now. To my dear frens who are mugging hard, Jiayou! Ganbatte Ne! We'll party hard after the exams yea :P (SENTOSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

she wants her lost Matric Card back! she wants her Clarinet too! boohoo ;(

mood: adrenalin running high(thanks to Chocs!)

groove: Final Distance by Utada Hikaru

guys guys..

2005-10-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

If u think that gals are hard to understand, GUYS ARE EVEN WORST!!!!! wat is the world coming too man? Some of the guys "species" i came across, are way more naggy, noisy, childish than gals. I'm not attacking anyone specifically. Jus happen to observe guys and their characters nowadays. I dun mind if guys show their feminine side once a while. But if u keep acting like one, I suggest u might as well change your gender. bah. It seems that the gender roles seem to swap places. tsk. tsk. Time to get back to studying.
i'm just stating my opinion. So, if any male species get offended, pls pardon me. i'm just in a bitching mode to get some stuffs out of my chest >.<

mood: bitchy
groove: Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis

been a long time

2005-10-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I blogged. So here it goes. Generally, life hasnt been too good. School workload has been hard too juggle esp. the lab work. hah. Even feel jitters thinking of my lab work. It doesnt help when u sleep 3 hrs a day or if i'm lucky enough, i'll get by wif 5 hrs of sleep each nite. I'm a walking panda! To save the day, I put in effort to wear light make-up everyday to school. (-_-)
Thinking of my exams even put in more pressure. gosh!
I went out to shop yesterday to destress after last week's submission of 2 lab reports. We even went to party coz we were all freaking stressed! Though we had a rendevous, 2 girls partying can be quite dangerous. No doubt, we girls had fun but there were some guys trying to be funny. Yeah, there were some good looking ones ;) I came up with a shopping list in mind which I will fulfill after my exams in Nov. And to think of it, all the stuffs i have in my list are expensive! So anyone who's kind enough, pls donate to my shopping fund. Or any guys who want to be my atm bank "bf", u're more than welcome! haha.

mood: blank
groove: Missing by Evanescene

traffic light

2005-09-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

i cant believe that my one week break just fly by so quickly. i didnt even have time to rest except on Monday which was my bday celebration. i had to make my way down to sch from wed to fri just for my lab work assigment. i spent my weekend pouring over circuits and designing my traffic light controller wif fellow lab partners. such depressing activity to think of it. everywhere ard us, ppl are enjoying their weekend while we slogged in Burger King wif our faces stuck to our laptops in an attempt to design. we argued over our ASM charts, registers, control unit, timer, flip flops, LED, display register. we had nightmares of traffic light, waking up the next morning wif a groggy feeling. and up to now, my traffic light is 85% done. tat doesnt include debugging the controller. it's a sure bet tat our traffic light wont work as planned when we test it tmr in school lab. bish. worst still, 134 students fighting over 27 lab benches to use the board and software. the queue is as long as the hello kitty queues. tsk.
i jus hoped tat it'll work by Thurs morn or i can forsee retaking the module again. the tot of handwritten 20 pages lab report jus gives me the shivers. argh. i want another break. dint have time to do my other lab work for other modules, tutorials and exam revisions. it's 45 days to exam. gasps!
the next 2 weeks will be so packed tat i can forget bout sleeping! sch work aside, i'm tied down to my tuition assignment coz my student's PSLE is in two weeks = 3 times tuition lessons a week. wat more with my biz mag stuffs and my research project. screwed. i feel bad enough tat i haven been attending alumni band pracs for the past weeks. boohoo ;( all my QM stuffs have to be put on hold. i yearn to go to the beach badly. sentosa to jus chill and enjoy the sun. i have to scrape the idea of running ard Singapore marathon for NTU's 50th celebrations. even party @ Indochine on this Sat makes me think twice on going. sighs. i cant stand it when some ppl have the cheek to irritate me when i'm busy. nvr attempt to talk to me when my status is busy cos you are only pissing me off. tsk tsk. my social life is so gone. i have to cancel all my plans for social events jus for my lab work n sch commitments. bad bad. enough said. by the time i grad, i'll be a computer geek. the only love affair i'll have will be my trusted old-time bf, my laptop. ;(

mood: drained and sleepy
groove: If I aint got u by Alicia Keyes

part 3 birthday

2005-09-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

Part 3 : Birthday celebrations with NTU peeps. Let the photos show you the fun we had!

Thank you guys n gals! Back to serious work! eXams are near~

mood: loved n blessed
groove: Going Crazy by Natalie

happy Birthday!

2005-09-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

Happy 21st Birthday! Yay! Finally 21!!
Part 1 of celebration:
I had a blast on Saturday nite! I really really enjoyed myself to the max!! Everyone was feeling happy and good :) Apparently, there were 5 other tables who were having birthday celebrations too! Being Fish n Co. tradition, the birthday gal/guy had to stand on the chair while they sang the birthday song!! And I wasnt spared! They sang twice, once with the ice-cream and the second time with my birthday cake! I got sabotage with tartar sauce too! haha..I was caught off-guard and yeah, my face was full of the sauce and my hair and shirt got smeared too!The portions at Fish n Co. were so big tat i dint finish my fish n chips. Barely ate half of it..Nonetheless, it was a night to be remembered! Thank You to Audrey, Xiaoling, Vincent, Simin, Isabel, Shahidah, Sheha, Limin, Shikin, Shikah, Changyong, Khairun, Luqman, Danial, Haikal, Hazwan... Thank you for the wonderful time at the party and for your lovely presents!!! :) Love you guys to bits! Frens forever! ^__^

Part 2 of celebrations:
On Sunday with my darling girlfrens! Thank you for all the love and concern throughout the 9 yrs of friendship! I had a wonderful time at the airport with all the excitement and the unforgettable 'thong' experience and the memorable sky train ride! *Muacks*

Finally, to my parents for their unwavering love and support for the past 21 yrs :) I will never be where I am today without the care of a loving family! Love u mom n dad! And to my siblings too! :)
Part 3 of celebrations:
With the NTU bunch later in the evening, dinner and movie! Will upload pics for part 3 by Tuesday! :)

mood: blessed
groove: Waiting for Tonight by J.Lo

p.s: Thanks to William, Ruowen, Shufi and Lishi for the pressies too though you guys cant come for my celebrations :)

break.

2005-09-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

mid-sem break is here! And i've got tons of work in front of me waiting to be cleared. Plus, all the revision for the coming exams. Sighs. My arm still hurts (Ouch!) due to the blood donation yesterday. I came late for sch , 2 days in a row so I have to cab my way down on Thursday morning. My tutorial has already started and my Prof jokingly told me that he'll buy a big alarm clock so I wont be late again (-__-) I was late for lab session on fri, lucky enough not to be penalised!
We had a photoshoot yesterday. Jus helping out Simin with her magazine thing. So we went ard to scout for gals in our school. Haha. Quite an experience. I nvr knew modelling can be quite hard. The poor photographer have to teach us all the different poses. Worst thing, I nvr dress up nicely coz I was already late in the morn! So i jus apply a bit of makeup la to save the day.
Anyways, I've got an offer to be the Biz Mag Director for Student Union Welfare Fest! I'm still contemplating whether I should take up the post coz I'm already the Biz Mag for two other school committees! (pULLs HaIr!!) It'll definitely look good on my resume when i graduate but I'm not confident of the commitment. It'll take up a lot of time and I seriously cant afford to jeopardise my studies! So, I'll need advice from u guys. I've got 2 biz mag posts, alumni comm, 2 tuition assignments. Geez. Super busy!
This weekend is lined up with plans back to back. Today, birthday celebration wif my band frens, tmr wif my sec sch frens and Monday wif NTU clique! i'll be stuffed with good food over the next 3 days! Tat calls for more running and gym sessions.haha. alright, time to get things done b4 I enjoy myself to the max tonight!! *Giggles*

here's a picture of me and shal during our photoshoot =)

tripped

2005-09-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

tripped.
stressed..stressed..stressed..
at this moment, i can feel my head bursting and my migraine is killing me big time.
beating against this clock to complete tasks at hand.
my dead-tired body is suffering like mad.
i'm so freaking stressed tat i can just break down. right now.
cant go for alumni prac coz i've got sch meeting tis fri.
investiture nite tmr. stayin till late. screwed.
can i just bang my head against the wall?
it's already September and i'm not looking fwd to my birthday. I haven even make plans to celebrate. Maybe i'll jus sleep thru the whole day.
i'm trying hard to keep it up. i cant afford to give it up. i'm such a workaholic. my head is throbbing madly tat i'm seeing lines across my laptop screen.
long nite ahead. less sleep again. can someone take all the pain away??
my laptop is giving problems again. shit.............................
I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes
I'm tired of this smile tat even I dun recognise..

mood: Stressed
groove: Numb by John's Mistress

bonkers

2005-09-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm going senile! hElp! i cant believe my luck this week. First, I was late for school on Monday and end up skipping my tutorial. There's no way i'm going to burn $20 for cab fare. On Tuesday, I saw a bloody ahpek who spat in the train and he sat across me. I was grossed out big time!! pOOi!! Wednesday, I was cracking my brains over my lab assignment( i think my brain is already smashed into pieces now). Today, i signed up to run for Biz Mag positions in two school committees and I'm greatly disappointed that I was rejected to join WSC coz they've got too many members! -__- Even nowadays, we are always talking in gibberish computer language among ourselves. Acting like a LOW logic device, even when a logic HIGH signal is sent to the brain (eg. a cute, hot guy walks in front of you), we will never give a logic HIGH output( we dun get turned on!!) I never knew simulating (not sTimulating) a traffic light controller control unit is brain-wrecking ! okays..i'm talking rubbish again ^__-
It's amazing how we SCE students self entertain each other. We came up wif all sorts of stupid nonsense jus to kill boredom of school. How we bitch bout some scandalous couple in school, coming up with weird names for our future children( eg. ratnapong, pom pom, bacteria, dusk instead of dawn and other bitchy names tat we can think of!) We even planned to set up a MSC ---> Mass Suicide Club.... We've already found our president, vice-pres and biz mag. Positions still available : Hon.Gen to record number of ppl who died and the last one to die in the club before the handover to the next committee, Financial Controller to manage our funds to buy necessary items like ?? , Events Director to plan mass suicide events..wahaha..ok..tat's sounds sadistic and ridiculous..we are going bonkers, pardon me..Nonetheless, it's comforting to know tat your frens are suffering n i'm not the only one (ok,tat sounds cynical)! A guy fren asks me why I end up in this course. My answer: " Wat to do? Some fREAKing big uni think i'm not good enuf for their SCI faculty and offer me FASS?? Wat the hell am i going to study there when I cant write essays for nuts ?? Screw them! So tat's how i end up here coz I'll suffer more studying something tat I hate..At least, there's maths and phys to entertain me in SCE! -__- " The only regret I have is there are not many guys worth drooling over unless you have a fetish for computer nerds wif geeky looks. Heh?! What is the future of SCE guys? Will it fail to attract gals into the faculty as the availability of handsome guys are declining at a staggering rate? With a pathetic female population, will it encourage a gay environment? Stay tune to find out....
For now, I can only anticipate the worst and throttle it full head on. Enough of ranting for tonight. Time to rest before my mind starts venturing into the unknown~

shagged..

2005-08-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

LOVE WILL COME THROUGH
I certainly cant comprehend certain matters at hand now. It's like draining my energy too fast. Life's been a blur, heh. With new commitments and tasks, i'm rushing against the clock to do everything with my utmost enthusiasm but sometimes, I flawed, so pardon me. Though I may look shagged, I still try to keep my spirit going. Good thing, I've found new outlets to relieve stress. Amidst the busy schedule, I yearn to meet up with long-lost frens whose whereabouts I have no idea of. There are so many details that I want to share with my close buddies but time doesnt permit =( And somehow rather, it got lost somewhere in my RAM(random access memory).
Besides the mundane routine of sch life, let me flood this entry with some blinking tots that have been flashing in my head. It doesnt help when I get migraine attacks out of nowhere. The subject being LOVE. This topic has been hot on heels lately among my clique, filling in the details about who's with who, who just got dumped, etc.. We had rather interesting conversations about mutual relationships. Where do we go after this stage? Well if some women (not gals) are lucky, it'll prolly advance to the relationship stage. The not-so-lucky ones might end up being friends(that sucks!) wait..let me address why I said women coz I'm referring to females in the twenties whose idea of relationship is no longer a BGR thing. Anyways, WHY do some guys love harbouring hope on someone they like? He'll tell discreetly that he admire her and analyze the response from the other party. In other words, "test water". She gets the idea but do guys know that we prefer them to spell the feelings out. Maybe lack of courage? In some cases, both parties started beating the bush until there's no more bushes to beat around. In the end, both suffer when either one start losing interest. Sad ending? Tragic more likely. Of course, almost all relationships start on a mutual basis but well, there are cases which left both parties with nothing but heartbreaks.
Personally, I saw these situations happening repeatedly and myself being the "victim" in such tangled relationships. He got interested..and made her got interested.. along the line, he lost interest coz they were heading nowhere..he left and she suffered.. Life is not fair. Accept this as a learning and growing up experience and leave it all behind. I believe no matter what, we'll still cherish the moments when we grow old. Some things are never meant to be said, never meant to be yours...
At this age(20-30), we worry bout everything under the sun. There are so many 'If'. Having another significant half is not just for love's sake but to share your troubled moments and support one another. A pillar of strength. Someone to turn to, at the end of the day when things go wrong. It makes life more smooth sailing aint it? It's human nature to love and be loved. So there's no need to hide if you feel a tinge of jealousy seeing a happy couple on the street. We cant runaway and we pretend. So guys, next time you like someone, take the courage and tell it to her face. She'll appreciate your sincerity ^_^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my latest prized possession =)
p.s: this post is adapted from a fren's blog which i found our conversation an eye-opener.
there's a pain that sleeps inside
though i try to look away
do u know tat everytime u're near
everybody else seems faraway
so can u come and make them disappear ?

mood: sleepy
groove: Breathe by Michelle Branch

maybe tomorrow

2005-08-20T02:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe tomorrow i'll find my key
forget bout life miseries
remember my purpose in life
keep my promises true
live life with my own rules
without having to hurt someone
find my own path and leave a trail behind
maybe tomorrow everything will be alright...

i'm jus ranting coz it's the case of insomia hitting me at this ungodly hour. random tots. everything's a blur. sleep is all tat i need to keep this restless soul at bay.

all i have to do is imagine...John Lennon

poetic

2005-08-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

it just takes a spark to shed some new light and hope for a better day...a reason for a smile on my face ;)

the feeling is not right yet it still persists
this secret keeper will stay true to herself
but who are we to stop the sun from shining
and the rain from falling
the presence that tickles the child in her
hiding the smile from her face
fear of hurt and rejection
chides her fresh emotions to oblivion
her heart sings in joy yet she looks away
contentment is meant for herself to enjoy....

mood: creative
groove: Beautiful Love by The Afters

Interesting facts

2005-08-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

INTERESTING,COMPLETELY USELESS FACTS!
The horse's name in the song Jingle Bells is Bobtail.
No one knows where Mozart is buried.
Tickets for Frank Sinatra's first solo performance at the Paramount Theatre in New York City in 1942, sold for 35 cents each.(how i wish Linkin' Park concert is that cheap!)
Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song "Happy Birthday".
Most toilets flush in E flat.
Under the law of Mississippi, there’s no such thing as a female Peeping Tom.(wahahahaha)
Anti-modem laws restrict Internet access in the country of Burma. Illegal possession of a modem can lead to a prison term.(Geez..Computer Engineers prolly curse the govt for such laws. Definitely not a place for me to migrate to in the future.)
Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.
Chewing gum is outlawed in Singapore because it is a means of "tainting an environment free of dirt." (haha..we still get our supplies from good ol' trusted Malaysia ^_^ )
A man named Ed Peterson is the inventor of the Egg McMuffin.(reminds me of MacDonalds'. Yummy!)
An apple, onion, and potato all have the same taste. The differences in flavor are caused by their smell. To prove this - pinch your nose and take a bite from each. They will all taste sweet. (try it?)
Table salt is the only commodity that hasn’t risen dramatically in price in the last 150 years.
In South Africa, termites are often roasted and eaten by the handful, like pretzels or popcorn.

RECIPE
Chocolate Fudge Cake
Measure into bowl:
1-1/2 cup sifted cake flour
1-1/4 cup sugar1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon baking powder1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening
3 squares melted unsweetened baking chocolate
1/2 cup milk1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, unbeaten
Beat 2 minutes, low speed.
Add additional 1/2 cup milk.
Beat 2 more minutes.
Pour into greased and floured pan 9 x 13-inch cake pan.
Bake at 375 F for about 25 minutes.

ooohhh...the chocolate fudge cake looks good..I'll shall try it over this coming weekend!!! =)

passing tot: Chocolate provides a form of ecstasy, cos the moment it melts in your mouth, everything else doesnt matter...

Birthday countdown

2005-08-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today gives me a good reason to blog coz it's exactly one month from my 21st birthday! I'm not tat particularly excited though. heh. Anyways, got a surprise today and though I feel like telling someone now BUT I cant coz I promised I wont! But I was really surprised and honoured ^__^ (prays hard everything goes right). Bunked in shahidah's hall last 2 days, thanks for the hospitality ;) Well, i decided to forget bout the part time job @ Sistic coz i can forsee more commitments in the near future and wouldnt want to jeopardize my studies again..Amidst the normal sch load, life goes on as usual with nothin' interesting or anticipation except for the fact tat i'm the only gal in my tutorial class CPE201. wahaha..But i like my tutorial class coz the Prof is so cool (not the guys pls) Alrite, off to meet the guys for research project meeting and have supper after tat!

mood: on my toes!
groove: Evolution by Ayumi

band concert

2005-08-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

KONZERT 2005

5th August

Victoria Concert Hall

It was indeed a memorable evening that will remain fresh in everyone's minds. The school spirit was evident in the strong bonds that remain intact despite years of not seeing each other. It was a glorified performance that ended on a resounding note. Adrenalin running high. Juniors(main band) and seniors(alumni) were satisfied with the success of Konzert.

I wanna say thanks to my section mates >> Tonglong, Ruowen, Xiaoling, Audrey, Simin, WenChao, Daniel, Shahidah, Lishi, Kenneth for giving their commitments to come for practices and putting up a good show. I'm very touched at the fact that we are all still close after all these years. While Dr.Lee was rehearsing with the alumni, it felt good "just like the good ol' days..". We are really looking fwd to the next practice coz Dr.Lee will conduct us for the yr end concert and it'll be ALUMNI CONCERT!! Whee! The best part is of course, we'll be playing our award winning SYF 2001 comp piece "ORIENT EXPRESS" the piece which led us to the 1st GOLD award and the start of more glorified days of the band. And who knows, we'll be going to Hawaii next March with the main band!! muahaha ;)

Lastly, many thanks to Justine who made it possible for the alumni to play in this concert. Thanks to the main band ppl for lending us the instruments and other accessories. And of course, to Mrs Neo and Fabian for their unwavering support.

3 CHEERS for TPJCBAND ALUMNI!!!

mood: exhilarated

groove: feel good inc by Gorillaz

Lab work..

2005-08-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

Into the 2nd week of sch, I can feel tension and pressure rising. Talk bout some modules which look so foreign to me, the jargons, the practical skills we have to master and yes, my 10 week research project!And it has to be IT related research topic so we've decided on Software Piracy after so much brain-storming. Imagine generating a 20 page report by the end and present your findings to the class -__-
Anyways, I'm having a writer's block so i'll just post lyrics of the song "Written In The Stars". Hope the lyrics can provide some reflections to you guys while I go back to prepare my lab work. Wonder how am i suppose to survive my 3hr lab session tmr morn'?

Title: Written In The Stars
I'm here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me or wonder what befell
The someone you once loved so long ago so well
Never wonder what I feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confound and out of hand
Is it written in the starsAre we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good forJust a stretch of mortal time
Is this God's experimentIn which we have no say
In which we're given paradiseBut only for a day
Nothing can they alter, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide
You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learn
What it is to be in love and have that love returned

mood: mellow
groove: Written in the Stars

We Might As Well Be Strangers..

2005-07-31T01:31:00.000-07:00

I've been surprised by strangers, twice in a row this week. The first time was on a cool Tuesday afternoon, jus finished my lunch and yakking away wif my jc buddy and suddenly, this guy came up to our table and said " Hi" to me! I was kinda perplexed and lost. He introduced himself as my online chat fren! haha.. I knew he was in the same sch as me jus tat we nvr met and yea, i dun really like the idea of meeting of online frens unless i'm pretty sure, they are nice,friendly ppl. The second incident was in the bus on Friday night. This guy sat beside me and asked me" You're Alicia rite?" and I replied " Err..Nope.." But he kept looking at me and my fren..Kinda freaky..Then he suddenly pulled out his hp and showed my name in his contact list and asked again " Sorry, u r _(my name)_ rite?" At this moment, i'm really suprised tat this stranger has my no cos i dun recall his face. Apparently, he's my online fren from Friendster! wat a small world! So we started chatting bout sch and work,etc..
Concert's in a few days and i'm absolutely excited!!! I jus miss performing on stage and it's the first for this year! Last year, I had a chance to play in Esplanade wif SWS. I felt good during alumni practice on fri cos i can finally do my runs. It's been a while since my fingers can run those notes and i hope i wont screwed up those small solo parts i'll be playing! The alumni has got a certain unique bond surprisingly! Seeing them every week jus make my day. I really look forward for every practice and when the concert's over, i'll be missing that piece in my life. I've been trying to settle instrumentation list, concert tickets, etc. And my dear frens who are coming for the concert, u'll be doing a big favour for me if u bring a bouquet of gerberas for me! hehe.. I jus love GERBERAS! They are the prettiest flowers =)

Roses wont work for me! Maybe i'll have GERBERAS for my wedding! haha.. Hmm, maybe i should get flowers for my section peeps! 11 flowers for each one includ guys too! Cant wait to doll up and look pretty! I swear everyone looks good in formal black esp the guys who are already stunningly blessed with good looks will make you swoon! hehe..I sound as if i'm going hysterical =P Dun worry, i'll post up pics of the beautiful band members after the concert on fri!

the clouds have cleared and the sun is shining bright.the road ahead is long and winding but i feel very blessed...
mood:cheery
groove: Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

new sem

2005-07-28T00:08:00.000-07:00

After my virgin entry on this blog, i've added a chatbox and counter and yes, make a public announcement bout' this blog. Simply put it, few ppl have been bugging me to start blogging again cos they are missing out on details on my life(not as if my life is any interesting). The first two days of sch saw the eager, wide-eyed freshies getting their way ard the "super big" campus, signing up for CCAs and grabbing any freebies within their view. Of course, when seniors alike come up to the booth to get our hands on the goodie bags, we are sadly refused. darn!
A bunch of us caught The Island last night and yes, Thumbs Up! It's really intriguing, the much debated topic bout genetic engineering(cloning) tat scientists have been arguing bout its ethics and Man's role to play God. There are some disturbing scenes though. It all boils down to the fact that Humans do anything to survive. True enough? Cheating death by replacing our "invalid" organs through organ transplant from our clones. In fact, come to think of it, most of the diseases are self generating. When you smoke, you are putting yourself at the risk of lung cancer(no offence to smokers). So tell me, whose fault is it when your organs start failing?
The demise of a loved one recently just showed that, when your time is up, it's over! So start living to your fullest. Dun fret or complain bout your life. God knows, there are those out there who are not as fortunate like you. Count your blessings. If something doesnt go your way, shrug it off becos there are better oppurtunities in life waiting for you in time to come. So start living life! I know it sounds so cliche but yea, dun you feel like bashing tat fren of yours or the guy who sits in the train next to you and starts complaining bout trivial matters? It's ok to complain but please do not do it excessively becos it'll only incur the wrath of others. I considered myself a complain queen when I was much younger (yeah, i'm tat old -__-). I learnt to make constructive complaints which are really not trivial matters but are life-threatening issues(eg. the increased bus/train fares). Keep on increasing the fares and i'll prolly have to walk to sch one day. My parents dont print money and neither do they drop from the skies or grow on trees!
Time to hit the snooze button. zZZzzzzZ...

virgin entry for Charmed Attic

2005-07-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

p.s: photos from a band gathering held last weekend!

New Blog.New Perspectives.
The content will prolly reflect the rantings on a superficial basis. It's a public blog so I wouldnt want to invite too much attention or else it'll result into another Blogger-cide like wat happen to my previous one. I'll try to keep my entries interesting and light hearted wif a touch of my daily dose of whinings and complains of living life. Will upload pictures or any of my creative sorts as often as possible. So my frens, pls update ur links. Thanks.

mood: sleepy
groove: I Believe by Tata Young
Passing Tot: darn.I have a 930am lecture to attend.urgh!